a journal for the journey

Ten Things A Parent Of A Senior Should Do Before Graduation Day

10. Be sure your child knows how proud you are of them. Actions don't always speak louder than words.  They might be too distracted to notice your actions, but need to know how you feel.  It is important to their self-confidence that they know that they have your support. Celebrate them & their accomplishments. 

9.  Begin to give them a little more freedom than you have before.  They will have full freedoms in college and your offering to give them a little more freedom at home now will communicate to them that you understand their desires.  

8.  Spend Time Having Fun Together.  Going on a trip together, having a fun night out, or a family game night at home will develop your family relationship and give you time to spend with your child before they go off to college. Give them great memories of family time.

7.  Have A Talk About Money.  Most college freshman do not know how to manage money.  Whether you give them a credit card, allowance, or they have to get a part-time job, they will be more on their own financially than ever before. They need your help.

6. Have A Talk About Relationships. Many students don't go into college fully understanding that the people they meet and form friendships with will dictate who they become and how they are perceived by others.  College is a very social place and they need to be wise about who they begin to develops relationships with.

5.  Ask Them About Their Goals, Dreams, & Plans. If this doesn't sound like a normal conversation to have with your child, then you are in a relational deficit.  Two reasons this is important: One, asking them to share makes them think about their future and, secondly, it shows them that you care and are interested in them. 

4.  Be Quick To Listen And Slow To Speak. Most teenagers don't think that their parents understand them. They often feel that parents just want to instruct them, which makes this young adult feel more like a child than they want to feel. Ask questions and then listen and resist the urge to subject impute and advice until they ask for it.  

3. Tell Them About Your College Experience. Be careful not to just tell a bunch of party stories without sharing the lessons that you have learned. Don't be afraid to share with them some of your struggles and successes.  Let them know that you were actually in their shoes once and that you understand what they are going through.

2. Make Sure That They Are Signed Up For The TransYear Senior Network. This is not meant to be a shameless plug but rather a way that you can help them fully prepare spiritual for college.  They can sign up by going to this link. 

1. Pray With Them And For Them.  Nothing will tell your child that you care more than to sit them down and pray over them.  If this is not natural for your family, then do it often enough so that it begins to feel more normal.  Let them know that you will continue to pray for them daily while they are in college.

The Will But Not The Way

The other day I was talking to a parent of a high school senior.  The words that she said to me have stayed with me since the moment she said it.  We were talking about her fears, like most parents of graduating seniors, of how her child would be able to go off to college and continue to grow in his relationship with Jesus.  Her prayer was that somehow God would lead her to a way that her child could (in my words, not hers) become spiritually prepared for college.  Her comment to me was that she had the will, but not the way.  What she was saying to me was that she wants desperately for her son to be able to go to college and continue to walk in his faith with Christ, but she wasn't sure how to help him.  That was until we met and I got to share with her what TheTransMission is all about.  

Since our conversation, I have been thinking about these parents and what they must be going through. I know that it is so hard to let go physically to a child and trust that they will be okay.  I have been working with teenagers for over 16 years of my life, but I have never been the parent of one of them. I see kids off to college and I see what happens to many of them.  I can only imagine how my fears would increase 100 fold if it was one of my children struggling.  

So this is what I ask of the parents reading this post.  Either below in the comment section or privately via email, please let me know your fears and concerns.  I would like to begin a conversation of how to help this class of students as they wrap up their senior year and prepare for college.  Share with me your thoughts and stories.  Then, I will use this blog to provide answers and/or continue the conversation.  I welcome any comments; from current parents of seniors, past or upcoming.  I'm looking forward to hearing from you.  

More About The TransYear 2011 Network

As a parent of a high school senior, there is no doubt that you desperately want your child to be as prepared as possible for college.  With the belief that the spiritual transition is the most important and most neglected, we would all agree that a year-long program to help with that transition would be a valuable tool for your family.   Please allow me to share with you today what is available to seniors during this Transition Year.  

For seniors who sign up to TheTransMission national senior network, they will get access to a web site that focuses them for one year (or from when they sign up to the end of 2011) on the spiritual transition into college.  They can sign up at this link.

The TransYear Network gives them materials in the form of a weekly devotional, a daily Bible reading plan, articles, links, videos, and a monthly podcast. All of the content changes every weekend and will continue through the end of their first semester in college.

Here are some examples of what they can find in the TransYear program.  

Weekly Devotional Email- Sent every Monday morning. Here are two random examples:  Example 1    Example 2

Monthly Podcast- Shares thoughts and testimonies for preparing for college.  In January the podcast featured an interview with Bebo Norman and in February with Drew and Ellie Holcomb.  Click here for the link to the podcast page.  

Videos- This is a video that we show at the senior events and it was featured on the TransYear web site a week ago.  It is one of the many testimony videos that will be shown during the year.  

Other Components- There are also links to outside resources in this subject, contests, polls, articles, and a 100 day Scripture Challenge where we lay out a passage to read each day that walks the student through the major themes of the Bible. 

All of this is up to the student to use or not.  They get an email every Monday morning (see examples above) with that week's devotional challenge and links to whats new on the site.  As the student goes through the year and moves from a high school senior to a college freshman, the content will change to what they are dealing with. If you know a senior, please encourage them to join the TransYear Network.  

TheTransMission Promo Video 2011

The State of the High School Senior

Today is March 1. That means that a high school senior, class of 2011, is approximately two months from graduation.  They have spent almost all of their recollected life in school, at home, and under the supervision of loving parents and teachers, but now that is about to change.  With some nervousness and much excitement, they are preparing for a great leap into adulthood where they will have more freedom than ever before. For both parent and student, this is a stressful time of wrapping up one chapter of life and preparing for another.  

At this point in the process, most seniors know where they are going to go to college in the fall. They have taken the tests and have done just about all that they can do academically to graduate.  Many of them have actually “clocked-out” of high school (mentally, emotionally, and maybe even physically) already and are just going through the motions to make it to graduation. Parents are finding it harder to communicate to their senior and focus them on anything constructive as the student and the parent, even more than usual, find themselves on two separate wave lengths.  While the parent wants to draw them in, the senior feels the need to pull apart.  There are always exceptions to this, but for many the tensions at home are being stretched thin.  

In my 17+ years of working in ministry with high school and college students, I have seen this tension create a hard few months before, and even after, graduation.  Soon, the student will be moving out and living on his own, and that creates a polar opposite emotion for the parent and the child.  The main difference in these emotions is that the student can not possibly see this perspective through the eyes of the parent.  They remain focused on the destination of college while wearing blinders that block overall perspective of this transition. Their only logical conclusion to this situation is that the parent doesn’t understand their situation, when in reality, it’s usually the child who can’t see past her own position. 

Spiritually, if your senior is already a committed Christian with visible fruit in his faith, he has most likely gained wisdom and encouragement this year for how to handle this moment on his journey.  Often at this point, I have seen one of two different responses of a Christian senior, depending on the maturity in her faith.  One is that they will make their relationship with Christ a priority as they make the transition from high school to college. These students might be praying through this transitional period and excited to see how God leads them through it.  The other reaction is from a Christian whose understanding of his faith has been more about rules and rituals than of relationship.  These seniors decide that they are tired of “being good” and are ready to “live it up” in college in ways that they could not in high school. Either way, all graduating seniors are standing at the start of a new road and can grow or cease to grow in their walk with Christ as they start college, depending on the choices they make and the people they surround themselves with.   

The overall goal for parents of seniors is to continue to help them prepare for the transition to college. That might mean letting them have some space and letting them decide that they need your help. The key to living peacefully with these young people for the remaining time that they are at home is to pray for them daily and look for opportunities to share wisdom and memories together before they move off to college.